tears n sadness

2007-03-03T18:07:00.000+08:00

speechless...........

2006-12-04T01:18:00.000+08:00

i've got no mood for work.. still in hols mood.. wtf.. n i'm a successful loner in sch.. congrats to me yeah..

2006-12-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

life is so short n fragile. money is juz tht mighty n strong.

take a step forward?? or juz live it as it is?? or step down??

sch life is not bad except for tht bitch tht says a pic with a peach n a word desire gives her the idea tht the peach is a vagina.. since she love such things so much.. i shall use a dick as my ZOcard coz she thinks tht waterfall is too dull n there's no catch in it..

money money money.. is so funny.. in the rich man's world..

sia lang eh liao gai....~~~~~

2006-10-21T13:40:00.000+08:00

it's a miracle for me to live till today.. y.. make a guess.. and the ans wun be known to u..

look at my fuck up face.. wat do i look like?? a piece of shit with rough texture.. a face written full of words like.. "scold me.. vent ur anger on me.. abuse me.. if not i wun be living happily.." for all u pple noe.. juz do as it is to make u pple feel happy.. it's ok if i'm sad and all is happy.. coz life for me has nv really been happy...

2006-08-31T23:37:00.000+08:00

NEW HAIRCUT!!!

TURNING 18 SOON!!!!

SAY SAY SAY SAY SAY!!!!

DRIVING TEST!!!!

PUBBING W/O FEAR!!! WOHOOO!!!!!!

2006-08-06T01:41:00.000+08:00

as usual.. i'm blogging cozi'm feeling emo again.. yes.. congrats to me.. i'm again emo.. 1st of all.. juz to some pple tht i dunno how to describe using words.. or maybe using words to describe her is humiliation to words.. who do u think u are to interfere into someone's else's love life even though u're her friend.. wat rights do u haf even if u're her friend.. get out of our lives.. 2 yrs ago.. u did sth utterly ridiculous.. n right now.. u're passing this sort of remarks.. get off our lives..

enough of tht issue.. sth to lighten things up.. baby.. we've gone through 22months le..=p thanks for all those memorable moments u gave me.. n of coz there'll be more of such occasions coming up.. hehe..

lastly.. sth tht i feel damn pissed abt.. n this major group of pple happen to be the closest ones to me.. life is a misery.. totally misery to live in this kinda environment... u pplr jux lindly get our of my life...or maybe i shld juz get out of the lives of u pple.. to make things easier for all.. care?? u mean for money.. i tht's wat u pple makes me feel.. love?? for money i bet.. nth else.. i'm left with almost nth.. ever look into how i felt? thought? i dun think so.. u pple only haf 5 letters up on ur heads.. M-O-N-E-Y.. juz kill me.. i dunno how to bring in money.. but i noe how to spend it.. GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FEAR!!
FAILURE!!
simply a failure.. i've been overdoing things n claiming tht i'm concerning.. i ought to eat shit.. she's right.. how many more 18s there are.. n wat rights do i haf to restrict tht?? she's not doin it coz she dun wanna me to be angry or sad.. so wat more do i expect?? i coz all these myself.. n i shld clean this damn shit on my own.. why am i such a failure???!!!!!!

LATEST DISCOVERY, I'M A SELFISH GUY!!!!!!

baby.. a song dedicated for u..
"Till The End"
All these precious moments
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven
That 's holding me all night

I don 't know how I found you
I 'm thankful that I have
Now that I have a love so true
To hold ,
to keep ,
to share

In my heart ,
I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I 'll always be with you
untill the very end

In this world ,
there is no place
I 'd rather be
You are
my life ,
my soul ,
my girl

And through it all
I know that
you 've come to see that
You 're the one
till the end

All my fri around me
Say you 'd be gone too soon
Baby , I 'm gonna make them see
We 've found our way back home

In my heart ,
I can no longer hold inside A
ll of the love I used to hide
I 'll always be with you
untill the very end

In this world ,
there is no place I 'd rather be
You are my life ,
my soul ,
my girl

And through it all
I know that you 've come to see that
You 're the one
till the end

We 'll always be
till the end

2006-07-26T15:44:00.000+08:00

wow!! it's been a long time since i last blogged le.. paiseh ar.. really very bz ar.. so no choice.. though now i'm having my hols.. but i'm still bz.. =p gotta sell hongbao almost everyday.. if u pple happen to see me out there selling hongbao.. juz buy one from me ar.. $10 only.. i dun earn anything from there.. it's juz for temple fund-raising..new temple near my hse.. LMAO!!.. next yr moving in le.. but still in need of some funds.. so plz help n contribute some effort ar.. hehehe..

many things happened over the weeks ar.. yes.. spend most of my time in sch.. n also with my baby... hehe.. hMMz.. still in fear.. due to the aftermath of my dream last nite.. was sort of scary.. oh ya.. last thursday saw a baby snake somewhere near baby's place.. quite style rite?? seeing a snake in housing estates.. was damn stunned by it ar.. a small black snake.. lalala...

more hongbaozation coming.. tired.. artworkzation.. n lovezation from by baby.. hehe.. =pPpPp

2006-06-20T23:53:00.000+08:00

basically.. for the past 1 week i'm spending almost my everyday with baby.. n by how i address her.. hMMz.. shld noe le bahz.. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! WE'VE PATCHED!!!!!hMmz.. it was on friday nite.. after her trip back from malaysia.. we had a long talk at her place n we continued our talk on saturday... n she agreed to patch with me.. WOW!!! so happy.. hehe.. of coz.. being able to patch up with her.. i've gotta thank all those who helped me.. acc me... counselled me n all..especially bh.. wc.. leon.. gav.. n many many more..=p thanks bros n sis.. n lastly the most important part of all..

baby.. we're now together.. going through so much.. we've learnt sth.. n tht's love.. in love.. it's not juz being together.. caring.. sharing.. but also to compromise..make plans for the future.. motivate each other.. we've both fell n hurt badly in this path.. but we've also picked ourselves up n learnt our lessons through these pains... most importantly.. the mode of communication... u're working n studying at the same time.. it's sort of hard for u.. well.. no worries.. i'm gonna be always there for u coz after so much tht had happened.. u're still the one for me.. n i hope i'm also the one for u now n ever.. baby.. i love u.. =)

2006-06-13T23:57:00.000+08:00

INFERIOR

2006-06-08T18:54:00.000+08:00

SINFUL FREAK!!!! SINFUL SHIT!!! SINFUL AS IT IS!!! KILL ME!!!

2006-06-08T00:09:00.000+08:00

sch started on monday.. 5th june.. 1st of all.. it was not a nice day.. for all the reasons i've.. somehow it's been 20months if i'm not stupid enough to do those things.. sad throughout the day i shld say.. n.. 1st day of sch n i missed lessons right in the morning.. i shld die.. well.. after lessons.. roamed ard... n eventually got to meet her at hougang mall.. =p.. gd enough for me.. though was juz tht short while.. betta than nv..

nth much happened on tuesday actually.. except for tht boring lesson of figure drawing.. almost made me kill tht stupid lecturer.. was sort of naggy.. longwinded.. n dun even noe wat he himself is talking n expected us to noe it.. gay.. dun gif a damn abt him..

today.. yeah.. went to sch.. nice lesson on basic drawing n compo.. nice lecturer i shld say.. tried to be humourous.. but he isnt really la.. anyway entertained him by laughing a bit here n there in those "ha ha ha".. had to select 2d n 3d media today.. gotta slap myself till my head spin.. swell or roll on the floor.. y the hell be so damn stupid to be the last in queue n not jump queue to the front when everyone did.. ended up losing my choice of print making n resulted in taking ink painting.. kill me if u wanna me to paint.. juz kill me for all.. my painting is shit.. n i dun like painting.. it's out of point for me.. was sort of moody after tht.. no mood to even eat.. no appetite after thinking all the materials i needa buy.. it's expensive.. n more to come.. wat shit is it.. ar.. met gav at bugis denz roam ard till zel came.. went to eat.. n they headed home.. but.. i juz roamed ard hougang.. doing nth for abt 1/2 hr.. denz dunno wat went into my head.. went SN to haf a hair cut.. not hair "BUTT".. lolx.. tried sth new.. like it.. but it looks weird on my head.. due to the size.. BIG..denz decided to take 101 n roam.. coz sort of miss those days.. went for duty.. dunno y i did it when lessons are starting at 8.30 tml.. i'm mad.. bonkers.. oOoz.. uncle3 came today.. lolx.. it's been a long time since he last came.. denz headed home after tht.. at the bus-stop.. it's gay.. i dunno y.. this old man went to everyone except me to ask for money.. is it tht i dun haf the rich face? or i'm born to be poor.. or he simply thinks tht i'm in need of help more than him? even such pple look down on me.. i shld die.. horribly.. on bus.. abt to reach home.. my nose juz bleed n bleed for no reasons.. dun even noe y.. juz bleed n stained my shirt.. none stop action.. walked home from bus-stop.. with my hand on my nose.. headed to bath.. n it bleed.. wat shit.. mucus covered with blood.. or maybe is a clot of blood coming down from my nose.. n it bleed on n off throughout my bath.. n finally it stopped.. n i'm now feverish... great thanks to all my pains n bleed.. pple like me shld be juz looked down on n nth else.. no point pitying.. realized it.. learnt it.. understood it.. "it's now to treasure.. or nv ever"..

"yesterday is history.. tml is mystery.. today is a gift.. --- am i gonna be history,mystery, gift or gonna be a legend or myth??"

2006-06-04T15:13:00.000+08:00

it's been days since i last blogged.. nth much happened actually.. except tht during those days.. i had her msg n calls to acc me which really cheered me up alot.. ya.. really.. during tht few days was so high for me..juz those short msg from her..can keep me smiling for the whole day.. n even in my dreams.. yeah.. u pple may think tht i'm nuts or wateva.. but.. when loving someone.. tht persons actions can control ur emotions..

sch's starting tml.. still not in the mood for sch yet.. for wateva reasons.. maybe juz my pure laziness or wateva.. i dnno.. but it's juz so sianz to think abt sch.. not tht i hate sch or my clz.. but.. it's juz the mood.. been warned.. sch work can be quite stressful if time planning isnt done well.. but.. i dun care ar.. juz simply dun care.. already come across so much of shit left by those pple.. so wat's this kinda shit to me.. dun gif a damn abt tht.. gotta start all over again.. make friends... n all.. not in the mood for such things.. maybe i've changed or so.. i dunno.. but.. for wat i am today.. is wat u pple caused me.. juz bear in mind tht.. to whoever u think u are.. yes.. they arent gonna read my blog.. so no matter how i blog they wun noe.. muahahaha..

yeah.. i'm physically sick.. mentally sickening.. verbally sick n utterly sickening.. sore throat.. blocked nosed.. fever tht come n go.. dun care.. who'll care if i'm sick.. none of them but her.. she nagged at me when she noes tht i'm sick.. ultimately.. she's still the one tht cares for me the most.. even willing to lend me money to visit a doctor.. but.. i wun take it.. coz i'm already taking so many loans to study n all.. dun wanna get myself into debt again.. thanks gal for ur offer.. =)

for u..
read ur blog juz now.. no doubt u really haf a stressful sch life n working life..came across this saying not long ago.. n it's meaningful.."when in love.. having to exchange a thousand sufferings juz in return for happiness.." so y do u think tht u'll be a burden to ur partner.. u're so wrong gal.. only through these sufferings u'll learn to love ur partner more.. well.. i'm confident.. if i'm ur partner.. hoping to be one seriously.. i'll definitely be able to share ur sorrows n all even if u arent able to share mine.. coz.. all in all.. u're still the one who understands me n supports me the most.. n also having exposed to the society for the past 3-4 yrs i shld say.. i came across so many things n i can say tht u're still fortunate.. coz u got a really nice n supportive family always there for u.. dun worry abt money.. "live a life of a rich if u're wealthy.. live a life of a poor if u're poor..“ a phrase tht i learnt throughout my duties..

yes.. to all out there.. maybe u guys think i'm juz bullshiting n all.. but.. i dun really care.. all i care for is the trust she has for me.. i need is her trust.. n i wun abuse this trust tht's given to me.. gal.. i juz hope this trust can once again be given to me..

2006-05-31T17:34:00.000+08:00

yst was orientation at NAFA..to me.. it's juz an orientation program for u to meet all ur clzmates familiarized ur self with the sch n tht's all.. nth much.. to be frank.. my clz.. to me.. juz tht normal n nth else..n was feeling emo throughout the whole event till i meet gav.. it seems tht all those little things tht i see ard me sort of linked up with her n i cant help it but she was spinning ard my head.. it's not the way she treated me tht i felt so emo.. but it was how i once treated her n took her for granted tht i felt so emo.. who to blame?? no on else but me.. there were events tht when i'm alone.. tears even rolled down.. for all the missings n love i had for her.. all the regrets i had.. wat can i do?? true enough.. there were many more gals compared to guys in my clz.. but.. i cant be bothered if i were the only guy in clz or there was only one gal in clz.. coz i noe tht my heart is always with her n no one else.. went to FSD for dinner after orientation.. long wanted to visit tht place coz it's so well known for the decorations n all.. n of coz.. with my emo feelings.. n influences of big cat.. drank quite alot last nite.. but i wasnt drunk.. in fact.. as i drank.. i felt more n more sober.. n.. she juz appears to be on my mind every sec.. n it comes to the time tht she happened to finished sch.. i was even more worried... worried if anything would happen to her on her way home.. n if tht guy would harass her n all.. it worried me so much tht i drank more n more n cups after cups.. n only tht skinny monkey noe how i was feeling deeply.. n i'm serious.. it's not how gd u can be.. how nice u are.. but i feel tht it's looks tht pple look on when the see me.. right from the 1st sight many see me.. they think tht i'm a jerk n all.. juz by looks.. i admit i've got no looks.. no money.. nth.. the only thing i've is all my experiences of my failures n all tht i can share.. but.. again.. who'll ever trust me?? to be simple.. i simply miss her lots.. n i really love her lots.. but yet again.. who'll trust me?? !!!!!

a song i love n put me to tears..

Colin Raye - Love, Me
I read a note my grandma wrote back in nineteen twenty-three.
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me.
he said,"boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none,but i loved your grandma so."

We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together.
Get married in the first town we came to, and live forever.
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet, instead
I found this letter, and this is what it said:

If you get there before i do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long i'll be.
But i'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till i see you again,
I'll be loving you. love, me.

I read those words just hours before my grandma passed away,
In the doorway of a church where me and grandpa stopped to pray.
I know i'd never seen him cry in all my fifteen years;
But as he said these words to her, his eyes filled up with tears.

If you get there before i do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long i'll be.
But i'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till i see you again,
I'll be loving you. love, me.

Between now and then, till i see you again,
I'll be loving you. love, me.

2006-05-29T01:42:00.000+08:00

back to my 'motel'.. hMMz.. as usual.. wasnt happy at all back here.. shall elaborate more on it at the later part..
recap abit.. last nite.. skipped movie.. stayed at yap's place with her n had a great talk with yap.. inspired me.. spent the nite by her side.. was happy.. n even with her by me.. i dreamt of her.. kKz.. n did sth n i shld explain.. the reason was coz i dun noe if i'll ever had another chance to do it( for all.. u guys may think of sth else.. but.. there's another major reason behind it.. i dun wanna say it out.. this is sth tht i wanna keep to myself.. n maybe kept unknown till sth happened or so.. n it's beyond my control but i'm trying hard to prevent it from happening so fast..trying to prolong it.. feeling it sometimes..) n being a failure in expressing myself.. tht's the way tht i think will express my love for u... i noe it's somehow rude.. sorry abt it... =

went to dinner with dino n all b4 i head back.. y i said a motel.. simple.. nobody cares whether i'm alive anot.. n.. y on earth is there someone who cares abt money n juz gamble every cent tht he had juz coz he wanna win wat he had lost n ended up leaving all the shit for his next generation to clear up for him n when i got scoldings n all from his creditors when i happened to run into them on streets.. i get a scolding from him too.. wat on earth is this nonsense?? another one who said tht i'm a dead man.. gd for nth n all.. n one more who can say sth like why do i haf such a lousy bro?? one more who simply dun care or cant be bothered abt me.. n another one whom juz had no conversations with me or who cares more for money than anything else.. juz money.. having to live with these pple.. do u think this is a home?? or a motel?? in fact the service staff in such trades will treat me betta than them..

4 major parts of life.. family..love.. friends.. studies.. family n love is down for me.. n of coz.. sch.. i really got no mood for me.. n tht makes it 3 down.. now with friends.. yeah.. only left with this few to walk on.. i hope i'll be able to walk this path down with u guys for as long as i can.. coz.. u guys are the best whom i came across in my life..

of coz.. when pple see me feeling emo.. they'll think coz i juz lost my gal.. yeah.. it's one of the reasons.. but.. with her presence how on earth shld i feel emo coz she left me?? i'm able to spend time with her n all i shld be happy but y am i feeling emo.. to be simple.. if she's present ard me.. i wun feel emo coz of her.. but sth else.. 4 major parts.. 3 down.. when she's present.. it's left with 2.. family n sch.. family.. is sth i'm feeling emo for the past 1/2 yr or more.. cant help it but everyone haf only money on their minds.. n nth else.. to be simple.. gal.. if we're out together n i'm emo.. it's not u who caused it.. but sometimes.. i juz cant put this aside n i cant hide it.. pardon me for tht.. i'll try to change it...

wat i can say is.. i've got a fu*k up life.. tht's all..

2006-05-27T14:25:00.000+08:00

kKz.. right now.. i'm using gav's laptop.. at mr yap's place.. blogging.. yeah.. since thursday nite.. i'm here.. staying time here.. coz mr yap is soon going over to australia to meet his wife n acc her there.. think this is sth his been waiting for long.. n he wanted to meet us up n catch up all the sweet memories we had during sch days when he used to teach us emaths.. i shld say.. a wonderful teacher.. someone i adore lots.. looking forward to our yr end trip.. though not confirm.. but i hope it'll be on.. =p.. yeah.. i would like to say a big THANK U to mr yap who allowed us to stay over at his place.. a real cosy home.. lolx.. n lastly all the best to him n his wife.. JIAYOU!!!

finished with sth happy.. yes.. i blog coz i'm feeling emo.. it's sth really painful.. tearing me apart.. i cant help it.. but all these seems like a dream.. i dunno y.. but.. juz one wrong step tht i took..landed me in this misery.. it's really pure shit.. y on earth i did tht?!! orientation coming.. got no mood for sch.. coz like i say.. family n all.. i'm sad.. sad sad.. no one to talk to.. i've to pull thru.. but how?? in my previous post.. i mentioned.. tht's not my home.. it's sth like a motel to me.. somewhere i slp n tht's all.. not talking more than 5 sentences in total to all in the hse a day.. u think this is nice?? i doubt.. all along.. i withstand all this alone but knowing tht someone will be there for me to lean on.... tht's y i crossed all the obstacles.. but right now.. she isnt there for me to lean on.. someone whom i really love.. it's juz painful..i noe she's also painful.. n things aint smooth for her n me too.. but how?? i dunno how..sch's starting.. my life is in a mess.. family.. sch.. love n all.. who can i talk to ?? 3 major parts of my life.. all down.. left with my friends.. true.. i thank them for being there for me.. but.. how long can they hold there?? not tht they aint loyal or wat.. but they haf their own commitments.. they dun really haf time for themselves.. how on earth will they haf for me?? i'm all alone.. afraid to noe the ans.. in fact i already knew it.. hoping tht miracle may happen.. but.. will miracle really happen?? does it exists?? using miracle as my nick coz i believe there is miracle for everything.. but.. right now.. under such conditions.. i'm praying hard for it to happen though the chances are slim.. i'm praying hard.. day n nite.. juz for it to happen.. will my prayers be answered???

2006-05-25T01:45:00.000+08:00

finally back from chalet yst.. n was sort of lazy to blog.. lolx.. hMMz.. 1st of all HAPPY BDAE TO MISS HAZEL LIM YAN CHIN!! yeah..

kKz.. shall recap abit on wat happened bahz.. sunday... went to meet her n headed to jane's place n meet the rest for chalet.. left for chalet.. n it was really a big chalet.. not long after we reached the chalet.. felt emo.. n was totally down.. n bh psyco me to do sth.. so.. msg WC.. shall not say wat is it.. =p went to the beach(as usual when i'm emo) stayed there.. rotted.. n felt so damn down for wateva reasons i haf.. true.. coz of my feelings for her.. but the other half was coz i realized i made a wrong step again.. n of coz my family.. i juz feel so damn sianz.. ridiculous.. y am i liddat.. n of coz.. coz of me feeling so emo.. i owe all tht was present.. esspecially the host.. miss lim.. a big apology for not being able go control my emotions well.. sorry abt tht.. most of them were present for the chalet.. n of coz.. WC.. screwed me upside down.. inside out.. n he made sense.. i dunno how to put it in words.. n of coz.. mr ang ku kueh.. thanks for ur ears tht gotta withstand my nagging.. kKz.. shall not talk abt it... back to chalet.. MAFIA!! LMAO!! the best game i played at the chalet.. lolx.. it was so fun.. everyone enjoyed tht.. lolx..

monday.. lolx..i think i'm as though a pig.. lied down in the chalet for more than 1/2 a day.. lolx.. i shld say too tired le bahz.. or i haven been doing it in such a way for long.. ever since i shifted.. n thanks to onion for training gav n my stomach muscles.. made us laugh n laugh for all his lame actions.. "... can i look at ur pussy??" ... "na.. yi ren yi tiao.. hai bu shi yi yang" LMAO!! made me laugh to tears.. kKz.. in the middle of the night.. went to downtown east.. n on my way walking back.. goosebumps all the way till i reached the chalet.. n i sensed sth not right.. but ignored it.. n juz kept quiet abt.. n miss lim.. train harder.. " ai dio jia zai tia.. not ai dio zai jia tia".. LMAO!!

tuesday.. checked out from chalet.. went to althar.. denz gav's hse to borrow his toilet.. n SGS!! the feeling back there was real nice.. i really miss tht place.. a wonderful place.. all the sweet memories.. i simply love it.. talked to teachers here n there.. but after talking..i was emo again.. =).. shall not talk much abt tht.. of coz.. met our idol.. or shld say the best teacher.. mr yap.. still the same.. so guai lan with his words.. n looking forward to it.. lolx.. after parting SGS.. went to paya lebar to bai bai.. n of coz visit my aunt.. long time nv see her le.. planned to stay there till late.. but.. when i was abt to take my dinner.. she msg me.. said she was sick asked me over to acc her home from sch.. n tht made me lost my appetite totally shivered here n there worried abt her.. so i picked up my things n went to meet her.. yeah.. she was fine.. glad to see her fine.. but worried abt her.. coz her sch work n work seems so stressful tht she hardly had time.. poor gal.. yeah.. of coz.. get to see her..i feel happy.. n after seeing her home.. i headed home.. shld i say home?? maybe a place for me to slp.. but not warm n comfort enough to be a home of mine.. after so many days out.. dun miss it a single bit..

wed.. woke up.. 1st thing was msg her n see if she was feeling betta.. denz headed to paya lebar again.. spent my noon there.. rotting.. denz headed to dino's place.. lolx.. think for the past 1+yrs i spent there.. 1st time off duty when dino is ard.. coz nobody came up to look for uncle.. "tian xia tai ping" lolx.. so did some paper work there.. n headed home.. tml's SGS sports day.. planning to go n haf a look.. talk to some teachers.. n of coz enquire sth tht i thought of wanting to do.. =p yeah..

one last n most important thing.. " gal.. i miss u.."

2006-05-21T02:01:00.000+08:00

been a few days since i blog.. hMmz.. this week is kinda ghost busting week i shld say.. had 2 unseen battles.. n till today.. still suffering from it.. n i realized tht in this world.. all kinds of pple exist.. all coz of money.. spells are set juz coz they dislike someone or they wanna reach their motive.. no matter thru wat kinda evil ways.. even mum-in-law set it on daughter-in-law when it was her only son's wife juz coz she dislike her... the world is changing.. i doubt kinship exist.. unbelieveable?? for some maybe they think it's rare.. but i feel tht it's getting more n more common or i shld say i'm not shock at all.. coz i came across too many le.. n to be true.. i sort of lost trust in pple.. or shld say lost the ability to trust or afraid to trust.. after seeing so much.. coz nth seems impossible after all.. yeah.. enough of duties n unseen battles..

went out with her today.. after so long.. finally get to meet her.. n i miss her lots.. n she lost alot of weight.. haiz.. this is juz a funny feeling tht followed me after i parted with her today.. spinning all ard my head.. n was somehow morale low.. coz.. nvm.. it's killing.. n maybe 'uncle' was right.. i'm not those tht will do those things.. coz i'm soft-hearted..n boss.. u're right too.. juz so right.. n gavin was right.. i used the wrong thing to think at the wrong time...kKz.. tml's zel's bdae celebration at her chalet.. dilemma.. well.. see how it goes...

2006-05-17T03:29:00.000+08:00

hMMz.. ya.. as usual ar.. monday nite duty.. so shld skip it..

tuesday.. ya.. suppose to wake up at 11.. but ended up at 12.. so bo bianz.. gotta rush to the toilet n bath n all coz i'm meeting my tp clzmates at 1 for lunch in TP.. so gotta rush n took a cab down.. n.. walking back into TP.. the feeling is utterly different suddenly got an urge to go back n study there.. but too late le.. coz i'm now in NAFA.. hMZ..met them for lunch yea.. of coz.. gotta say a big thank u to eslyn who actually organized this lunch for me.. n also not forgetting the rest of the glitters.. yuzhen.. belinda.. liping.. shanrong n yemin.. n also.. daniel n timothy.. yeah.. nice lunch.. sort of enjoyed myself though it was only a short time together... later went to meet jenny at jupiter while waiting for leon.. after leon finished his lessons.. had a long talk with him at jupiter.. felt betta la.. but still emo.. coz.. it's painful.. after tht went to biz lab.. rotted there.. of coz.. used the com with jenny's id.. coz i'm an IT student.. n ID not recognized by biz lab.. n also my ID was terminated.. so.. gotta borrow someone's.. went online n read blogs.. n shld say a big thank u to stone.. though his nick is stone ar.. but his heart isnt like a stone though he speaks like a stone.. get the meaning? slowly figure it out on ur own....... =p after tht went to meet GS n eslyn again at IT lab.. denz went to tampines interchange to chill n talk crap abt how emo the both of us are.. ya.. lolx.. gay.. denz headed for meeting.. n this meeting i've been waiting for real long.. coz.. i've many things to raised to them..now.. sch gonna start.. many things i gotta hand over coz i may not haf tht much time to spend there n i needed someone else to help me with it in a long-term basis.. approved by all.. now it's only who fits the bill... ya. after meeting.. "boss" came.. supported me with my idea.. urged me to study hard.. n told me to put studies 1st of those work 2nd... n of coz mentioned the matter to me again in private.. dun wanna talk abt it.. perhaps at a later stage.. got home at abt 2.. n started to write testi for all who spent time having lunch with me today to show my gratitude.. n tht's all.. =p

2006-05-15T13:52:00.000+08:00

happy mothers' day to all the mums out there, of coz also to my mum thought she isnt ard, n i think for the past 11yrs, this is the 1st time i'm telling her this.
denz.. happy 18th bdae to MR GAVIN NEO YOU MING aka STONE.. kKz.. finally 18 =p

n now, blows after blows i've got nth much to say actually, too many hidden issues or shld say too many things to be said i dunno wat went wrong with my life i really dunno, well to all, yes i'm stubborn, i may be hot-tempered, but i'll listen, i'm a person tht accepts opinions with reasonings, if u pple wanna tell me anything, juz come to me, gimme a call msn or anyways u can find me, tell me wateva u think in proper, i'll accept it, n of coz explain my actions n all, c'mon, i wun eat u up, wack u n all coz it's unnecessary, now we're the only few left so close to walk down this long path, no matter how it is, i understand all ur intentions. yeah, wan me to get on, coz there're more things in life. not getting on is not wat i dun wanna do, but to all who went thru, it's painful. i'm alone, family?? i cant find anyway i can talk to them only to my da jie, but now, she has her family n all how much time left for me?? now, only friends left for me, ya, wan me to learn, i really appreciated it alot, i feel talking it straight out would be the best way coz it's thru communication we understand, learn n solve probs, coz i landed myself in this manner coz i cant express myself well to her, in fact, a communication break-down tht's y things happened this way. i dunno how long i gonna take, how much i gotta pay to learn n walk out of this pain, but, i'll try, all gotta learn, i'm in pain i shld say, who can lend me a shoulder to lean on? i'm tired, i need some rest, i dunno how long it'll take, but a much longer time compared to others, though i may look strong, big n all, but, emotionally i'm weak, real weak n coz i'm not those tht does things suavely n finish things off fast, i need some long time, n of coz i'm one with high pride holding it high no matter how, once again, sth similar tht happened to me 2 yrs ago it's crushed into pieces once again, n i need to learn to pick it up n live as one with low pride once again, now it's different from wat happened in the past coz i brought it upon myself n not going thru it for someone else who chose to escape from reality, ya, this person is alike me, i wun wanna say who but most out there shld noe. ya, no shame, no apologize from u guys, in fact, i'm the one in shame, n shld apologize, yeah, sorry to all out there, i'm a disappointment. i need time to pick up myself all over again, like a baby, gotta learn everything from the start, another 18yrs? months? days? i've got no idea.

miracle~

2006-05-13T20:28:00.000+08:00

ok..1st of all.. rotted at home today.. kinda sianz n sad.. lost.. recieved my nafa orientation letter..relieved abit ar.. clz 1b.. hope my clz got no gays.. no ah guas.. n backstabbers.. best to haf siao ginnas like me.. so tht i wun feel so bored during lessons..n of coz.. pray hard tht i got a beautiful timetable..=p though relieved tht i've entered nafa..but.. in my mind.. she's juz there 24/7.. worst thing is i actually dreamt of my ah ma looking for her in a hurry.. seems tht she has got sth important to tell her.. is it tht my ah ma has really got sth to tell her or so?? i'm not sure abt it.. but all tht i noe was tht i miss her badly.. n i'm loving her more n more.. i'm so damn down right now.. dun given got the mood to prepare myself for orientation.. n somehow.. i gotta start practising on my drawings n all.. but i doubt things will turn out nice with my messed up mood n all.. so damn down.. sobx..arz.. i wish i could live by the beach.. n listen to the waves tht really lax me alot.. but.. somehow i dun ar.. shld visit the beach once again soon.. haiz..

2006-05-12T20:30:00.000+08:00

recap abit.. last nite went out n met WC.. went for tea n all.. denz headed to his hse coz it was raining heavily.. went online n great thanks to gav screwed sth in to me.. dun wanna say wat was it abt.. but he made sense ar.. hope it aint too late n all..
today.. vesak day.. n my mum's 11th death annivasary.. time flies.. yeah.. seriously.. i dun haf much impression of her... but i noe i broke the promise tht i made to her.. coz i'm juz too playful ar..aight.. enough of such sad issues.. talk abt sth tht sort of brighten up my day bahz.. happened to call n talk to her for abt 3 hrs i think..after so long.. yeah.. hear her sweet voice.. =) denz went out to pray at paya lebar.. raining heavily out there.. but i wasnt drenched.. i wondered y.. n tht's a big qn ar.. anyway.. headed home.. n my head was bursting.. for wateva reasons there is.. my health juz aint on the right track.. n this phrase was wat i thought of.. "an apple a day keeps the doctor away.. skipping meals make doctor on his way.." not meant to be funny... anyway.. till now.. i haven put anything into my mouth coz i've got no appetite.. yeah.. i'm blogging coz i'm bored ar.. seriously bored.. kKz.. shall wait n see wat can i do later..
aight.. somewhere u can sloganize ur name.. http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi enjoy it..
"Loves the Wee Yong u hate.."

2006-05-11T16:48:00.000+08:00

here's a song tht i wanna dedicate to her from leanne rimmes.. coz she really meant alot to me.. n i mean it..

"How Do I Live"

How do I,
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I need....
I need you in my arms,
need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,I
'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,Good in my life?
And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?

2006-05-10T20:15:00.000+08:00

aight.. another normal day for me.. except tht i'm getting more n more sick.. maybe shall really visit a doc tml or sth.. if not who noes if i'm gonna die soon(in the 1st place who cares whether i'm alive anot..)..aight.. woke up in the morning.. went over to hougang to get some paper work done.. n finally.. my part of work is done.. so far so gd.. but there are piles of work coming up nxt.. sobx.. yeah.. after tht headed home n rest.. no appetite.. n it's been for abt a month bahz.. but forced some food into myself n stuff those medicine into my mouth n down it goes.. now sitting in front of the laptop.. rotting. n of coz missing her badly ar.. cant take her out of my mind.. she's juz tht major part of me.. to her.. gal.. i'm really missing u badly.. n love u lots.. well.. pple out there may think tht i'm an irritant.. but u guys arent me.. u pple dunno how i feel.. n i aint someone normal.. i cant talk to anyone abt how i feel.. not a single one ar... sobx.. nvm... shall wait for her..=) hoping tht my prayers are answered..
kKz.. yeah.. my life is of a total sadness.. n here's a link for u pple to lax ur self abit bahz..
http://arch.pconline.com.cn/pcedu/carton/mtv/10307/flash/030711zhu.swf

2006-05-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

1st of all.. HAPPY BELATED 18th BDAE TO MR LIN HONG YUN.. lolx..
kKz..monday.. was sort of feeling down.. n was sort of down on my luck i shld say.. bath n wanna leave my hse for some chilling.. so left to bus-stop.. denz when i get to the bus-stop.. realized tht i didnt get my ez-link along.. so walked back to take.. sort of hungry.. went to punggol plaza to look for food.. but.. they aint appetizing.. so didnt get any food.. decided to head to hougang to get some paper work done.. but no one was home.. OMG!! so left n decided to go to the beach to chill.. aight..arrived the beach at abt 5.45.. got a spot n sat there n chill enjoying the sea breeze.. after awhile.. i lied down n listen to the waves.. sort of relaxing for me.. n of coz tears gathered in my eyes.. ya la.. sort of gay for such a big n fat guy to shed tears.. but.. i'm really down.. after awhile.. fell asleep.. N MY PHONE RANG!! on it.. it appears GAVIN HP CALLING!!.. so ans n denz realize it was hy's bdae.. n they're going for a meal.. at 1st i thought of skipping it.. so i hung up.. n went back to slp.. somehow it was really nice to slp by the sea.. n when i was enjoying.. i heard sth right beside my ear.."excuse me..we're trying to take some photos...." denz i jumped up.. n of coz shifted myself n look at the couple taking their wedding photos.. sort of sad n down la.. again.. i was in tears.. for all the reasons i've.. i was real down.. denz.. soon.. they're gone.. juz when i was abt to adjust myself n chill for the nxt few hrs.. a bunch of g*ys.. came up.. n it was real la.. spoiled my entire mood.. so decided to leave n meet hy n all..
kKz.. met them at hougang mall n headed to chompz for dinner.. had a great talk abt some things wif my da ge at chompz ar.. n figured out some things.. so.. n after eating at chompz.. went to liquid kitchen to chill.. "sex on the beach" sth tht made me wasted 10++ on it.. taste nice.. but dun suit wat i wanted la.. denz headed home after tht..
tuesday.. woke up.. rotted at home.. denz decided to meet da ge again to haf tea.. yeah.. heard alot of NS stories from him ar.. tempted to get in there.. lolx.. but i cant.. so no choice.. gotta wait.. n headed home after tht.. on my way home.. had a sudden pain on my left forehead.. it's been there for days la.. but this time it seem especially pain.. cant even walk properly.. but beared with it n got home.. 1st thing went o the mirror.. n of all.. i found a lump there.. a bit swollen.. still thinking shld i seek a doc.. well.. see how it goes.. if it's fated ar.. no choice.. but it's in my family heredity... i may inherit it from my mum.. high chances.. see how it goes.. if it's growing day by day.. bigger n bigger.. denz i think it's time liao.. KKz.. think shld end here le bahz.. =)

2006-05-09T14:54:00.000+08:00

aight.. found this on my friendster bulletin.. n it's really expressing my feelings for her.. though she may find me an irritant if i post this out in her favourite color.. but.. i'm definitely true in my love for her w/o wanting anything but her love for me in return..

The guy who loves you , if he can'talways see you, he will try to make himself busy,for not to have any time to remember you, becausehe knew, if he did, he will keep on missing youuntil he could do nothing.

The guy who loves you, can't tell you the reasonwhy he loves you. he only knew that, in his eyes,you are the only one.

The guy who loves you,seldom praise you , but inhis heart, you are the best, only he knows it.

The guy who loves you, will scold or complaint ifyou din't reply his message but others, becausehe cares.

The guy who loves you , only drop his tears infrontof you, and when you try to wipe his tears, you aretouching his heart , the heart which beats for you.

The guy who loves you , will remember every wordu said , even its accidental and he will use thewords always at the nick of time.

The guy who loves you, will not give any promisethat easily, because they don't want to break thepromises, they want you to believe them and theywant to give you the happiest and safest life everafter.

The guy who loves you, always tell you not to thinktoo much, because they've already plan it for you,he wants to give u the best life in the future, hewants to give you a suprise, belive him that he cando it.

The guy who loves you, will go to airport to fetchyou, he won't carry a bunch of roses and call youdarling like what you expected, but he will carryyour luggage and ask you, " why are youbecoming that thin within two days?" with his sincere heart.

The guy who loves you, will listen quietly to you,when you are mad, and when you finished, he willsay, you still got class tomorrow, sleep earlierwith smile.

The boy who loves you, don't know that whether heshould call you when you are angry, but he willsend a message to you after few hours, if you asked him why he call that late, he will say, whenyou are angry, my explanations are all rubbish.But only when you calm down, my explanationswill really work.

The guy who loves you, always calls you a littlekid, but everytime he want to make a big decision,he will first want to hear your advice.

The guy who loves you, don't like little toys like ateddy bear, but he will always put the bear yougave him at his bed.

The guy who loves you, while quarelling, he willapologize uncontrollably, although you are the onewho's in the wrong, and later, he will send amessage to you with " baby, actually you know its your fault, you know it urself "
The guy who loves you, who really miss you,will want to buy a bunch of roses and wait for youstupidly under your apartment but he neverknows , what he bought are daisies, but thatdoesn't matter, because in his heart, those are roses.

("v")i love u("v")

2006-05-07T19:30:00.000+08:00

kKz.. 1st of all.. yst.. polling day.. none of my biz.. coz i dun needa vote.. woke up at abt 2+ bahz.. walked out of my room almost coughing my lungs out with tht little feeling of asthma.. nv really gif a damn abt it ar.. coz wanna save money.. but was forced by my bro to visit the doc.. fair enough.. he sponsor la.. so.. i think in my life.. it's the 1st time i visited a chinese physician when i'm suffering from a flu i shld say.. aight.. the doc said i'm suffering from windpipe infection(qi guan yan.. n i'm hoping tht my qi zi would be back to me soon..) but i dun really care abt it la.. after tht.. got last min "duty".. so headed for "duty".. after tht.. went to 212 for supper b4 going to zel's hse.. n it was bad.. coz there was live shooting there when the polling results are announced.. n someone happened to see me on tv EATING CRAB!! oOpx.. lolx.. but dun really care la.. anyway.. after tht.. took a cab.. went to fetch choo jee n headed to zel's hse..
at zel's hse.. rachel happened to offer me a sweet from HK disney n it's in yellow.. i'm really wondering.. is it really fated or sth?? so many coincidence.. after tht.. as usual.. headed home in the morning n slp..
woke up at 2.. forced to stuff food down myself so tht i can take the medicine.. denz went online n yahoo pool for abt 3 hrs.. after tht.. they invaded into my room to clean things which i hated alot.. coz i wanna live a way of my own.. but.. right now.. i can no longer do so.. coz i dun own a room of my own.. i wanna move out of here.. they're juz a nuisance to me.. n i admit tht i'm also one to them.. but i dun like pple to invade into my privacy.. i juz hope tht i can afford a hse.. n move out of here.. coz i feel jailed.. real jailed.. a place where no one cares n even bothers abt me.. a loner.. n juz a loner.. well.. right now.. i'm missing her badly.. called her.. but she didnt pick up.. maybe she finds me a nuisance la.. so not picking up my call may be of great help to her coz i wun spoil her mood for the day.. but.. I REALLY MISS HER!!!!!!!!! i juz wanna hear her voice n talk to her as normal n tht's all.. does anyone understand how i feel?? how regretted i am??i dun mind pple blaming me for all tht i've done n all.. i dun mind.. coz.. i brought all these upon myself..n does anyhow noe how miserable this kinda feeling is??? feel like juz ending everything off la.. meaningless.. pple look me up juz coz they need me.. make use of me.. throw me aside n tht's all.. aight.. maybe i shall really make my departure from this place to somewhere else.. a place where i can do wateva i wan.. but.. i shld say.. even if i'm there.. i still wun feel a single happy.. coz.. she isnt by my side.. in my mind.. i've got nth but her 24/7 in it.. even looking at her pictures.. i can feel how's she feeling n all.. n i'm serious.. i'm juz feeling emo.. real emo.. maybe like wat the doc told me months ago.. suffering from depression??
almost forgotten.. tml meeting her for dinner.. sort of excited.. but.. i sense tht sth is quite wrong.. i dunno y is it so.. but.. the way she treats me is so cold.. real cold.. i cant withstand this coolness.. i'm all alone right now.. really all alone.. i cant hold on to it anymore.. whether i'll be turning up tml will be a mystery.. maybe yes i'll be there.. but not having a meal with her.. coz i dunno how to face her.. n yet i'm missing her badly.. i cant take it anymore.. i've got no one to turn who.. who can help me???

this represents my feelings..

Ocean's apart
Day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice
On the line
But it doesn't start the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Oh, how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted
All the times
That I thought it would last somehow
I hear the laughter
I tasted the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby?
You've got me going crazy
I wonder how
We can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby?
You've got me going crazy

2006-05-06T03:17:00.000+08:00

aight, the previous post was totally on my feelings. ya, right now, i'm feeling real sad n down but who can i go to?? not even my family coz, they juz dun understand how i feel no matter how i explain. n to those whom took me for granted, PLZ I NEED A BREAK TOO!!! i dun owe anyone a living, i need time to rest too.
kKz.. it's a friday, as usual, i'll be at hougang"duty".. well it's juz a normal day except tht i'm sick, real sick.. n to all out there, yall almost got a chance to eat my curry chicken.. coz.. last nite i almost died.. n i mean it.. i aint kidding.. i woke up from my slp coz i cant catch my breath.. hard time breathing.. coughing badly.. blocked nose.. slight fever.. n.. diarrheoa for the past 4 weeks w/o even knowing wat on earth is happening to me.. suan le.. stop talking abt me.. aight.. on wed.."uncle" told me sth n i had a hard time thinking how to bring it up.. n it's really worrying me lots.. worst thing.. "boss" said the same thing too.. haiz.. wat shld i do?? maybe shld think of a way to bring it up..
kKz.. stop talking abt all the sad things liao.. well.. she happened to msg me today n if we're still together.. it's our 19th month.. sort of happy la.. dunno it's concidence or juz fated.. after so long.. though only a few msg.. but was really happy.. n wat a concidence.. lolx.. her new blogskin was actually the one tht i used initially.. but coz i dun really noe how to use it.. tht's y i'm using this one now.. hehez..
look at the time now.. i'm blogging.. n it seems tht i'm having insomnia.. n i feeling more n more sick.. asthma is back again.. tht's bad.. temperature is rising.. head is bursting.. AR!!! i'm feeling real sick..
aight all.. read this.. sth nice.. really.. http://wang-yuan.nease.net/wygs.htm

2006-05-04T03:05:00.000+08:00

yes, finally i'm blogging. well, all these things haf been bottled up in me for my past 6 yrs, ever since my grandma left.from then on, my life had a total change. well, over those yrs i went thru many things, n i bottled up everything w/o telling anyone all of them or rather how i feel. right now, the reason y i'm blogging is coz due to this habit of bottling my feelings up, i lost many things, n ended myself in this deep shit.
well, i'm not like the usual teenagers out there, live with little stress n all, but i'm one tht gotta face all the shit tht my dad left for me to clean. y did i say so, he took loans here n there for wateva reasons he has, n pple juz happen to look me up juz coz they cant contact him, asked me on his where abts, n some even scolded me in public for no reason, i'm not the one who took the loan, not the one who told him not to pay up, but y pple look me up?? juz coz i'm his son?? juz coz they wanna vent their anger?? nobody noes how i feel, i'm innocent n i happen to get into this shit. till today, i still fear to step out of my hse coz, i'm afraid i might meet them on the road again.even if i dun meet them, but pple whom had heard abt these issue, the gave me another type of view, I'M NOT HIM!! i'm myself.enuff of this shit, n till now, i'm still suffering from all these things n i doubt i can ever get out of it.
aight, abt 6 months ago, when i learnt tht i gotta move from SN to punggol, again, i'm down. i noe i gonna lose all my freedom n all.during the period when i pple value the hse, view the hse, nobody knew how sad i was, even her, my dear at tht time, doesnt noe abt it, y, coz i dun wanna her to worry abt me n i bottled all these things down. yes, when i'm with my buddies n dear at tht time, i put up a string front as though nth gonna happen, but during those lonely nites, i went to bed in tears w/o anyone knowing. n days juz go by liddat.
n juz when i'm partially down, probs arise in my sch life. lecturers friends n all started to be sort of ganging up against me for wateva reasons they haf, but simply, no one noes abt it, only me, not even my dear gal, coz she's got her stressful work n all, i dun wanna her to worry.
till this day, when i happen to be lost, w/o myself knowing whether was it right anot, i chose to gave my dear up coz life was really stressful for me, i simply cant take it anymore coz probs are arising in sch, home, friends n small matters juz arised between me n her n it simply made me put this relationship to an end, hoping tht life would be betta, but, it wasnt. i admit, at tht point of time, i had a crush on someone else, but tht WASNT the main reason like wat pple out there are thinking, it was purely all my stress coming from sch n home. i simply cant take it anymore.
i chose to gif her up n i told her this "gimme some time to cool n after i settle down after i shifted, maybe we can be together again, coz life was sort of stressful for me." well on tht nite when we broke up, both of us were in tears n it was really painful to see her crying badly, but i simply dunno wat to do n i got no one to talk to. simply no one.
after we broke up, we promised to be close friends n somehow we did but it aint really close coz of the awkward feeling. but whenever i see her online, recieve her msg n listening to the songs we sang together, i'm always in tears n even in the nite when i'm all alone in my room, coz i she's really a nice gal n i really love her. especially when i look at the shirt she bought for me when we happen to shop at royal sporting hse, it was quite ex n she was only earning enough for herself, juz coz i said i love it, she bought it for me as a xmas present. whenever i look at the shirt, i'm always in tears even when i'm wearing it, for all, if u see me wearing a blue adidas polo tee, it's sth she bought for me n i really love it.
not long after we broke up, i quitted sch coz i cant take it anymore, probs are juz arising n most importantly, the day when i'm moving is getting near.i'm sad, n it's juz a wordless sadness i shld say.coz no one noes how i feel n i nv breath a word to a single person.at the same time, i was also active at temple n often got home late n leon happened to ask me this qn, "bro, y are u spending so much time there??" i said," coz i wanna stop myself from thinking abt anything coz i can be occupied there"
the 3rd day, she happened to msg my buddy, n the gal i had a crush on. to my buddy:"would u gif up the gal tht u love for ur gd friend coz he love her too??" n to the gal:"who would u choose if there's 2 guys whom fell for u at the same time, one loving u, n another, caring for u in the dark" i didnt noe this till abt 2 days later n it really touched me deeply n put me into tears.n till then, i noe whom i really love n who really loves me.
aight, the both of them got together, n a week later, we patched back. at tht moment when we patched, many out there n even her thought tht i'm taking her as a spare, but i AINT!! coz i noe who i reallly love n who really loved me.
1week later, i moved to punggol n i can say, from then on, everyday of mine was misery coz, i can no longer shed tears at nite when i'm in bed coz my dad is sharing the room with me. does anyone noe how miserable it was?? i didnt even dare look up my bros n all coz i feel tht i've once let them down by breaking up with my dear gal coz i've a crush on someone else(as wat everyone thinks) n i bottled them all in me.
day n day juz passes on, till this day, my gal decided to break-up with me.i've got nth much to say but my tears simply cant stop rolling down my cheeks coz it's painful. really painful. yes to all, maybe yall will think tht i deserve all this, but haf yall put urself in ma shoes ??
i drowned myself in tears everyday coz i juz cant believe it tht she fell for someone else, yes, i'm to be blame, n i happen to understand wat this guy is up to n warned her here n there, but she seemed to ignore n thinks tht i'm telling her all tht coz i wanna her to be back to me n i'm being selfish for doing so. maybe this guy may happen to be wonderful in front of her, sweet talk her, n all, but his motive is not for her love but sth else, n he lied here n there n coz many probs to arise. n when i tried to stop, she hated me even more, well, if he is someone whom one can trust, one wun stop her from seeing him, but, he has been lying here n there n pretended to be a Mr Nice Guy in front of her. wat can i do?? when i tried my best to talk to her n all, she hated me even more. well when i show concern by tagging on her blog, pple said tht i'm a stalker. cant i juz express my feelings? i'm also a human? i wanna show care n concern for the one tht i love, is tht a crime???!! yes, i once let her down, does it mean tht i cant get a 2nd chance to prove my love for her n care for her??
i dun mind pple blaming me n all, but my love for her is true n i mean it. over the past month, day n nite, i cant get to slp no matter how tired i am, lost my appetite for wateva reasons, but, i dun blame anyone but myself, look at the time now, i'm blogging, n i'm down with fever n all, but i juz cant get to slp though i feel miserable, but wat to do?? i simply love her lots but maybe i cant express it well or sth? or its juz tht i'm juz a nuisance. i cant help it anymore.
i'm one who cant sweet talk, dunno how to express myself well, unlike those out there.
i simply cant help it anymore!! i think my bros n all haf given me up coz i'm far too stubborn or juz too rash n maybe selfish like wat all out there thinks.
well, no one can understand how i feel, seriously, only her, but she's gone.
i prayed hard day n nite juz hoping tht she will be back to me once again n i'll cherish her well. but will my prayers be answered??